There's Nothing On
by Karta
Summary: Discontinued (I was reading through this. It’s REALLY awful. One big grammar spelling punctuation error. shudder) Yami Yugi finds the lack of quality television programming an insult to his honor. He brings it upon himself to fix this error.
1. The Toil of Television and Sofa

Karta: This is my first [And probably last] comedy on fan fiction. Net. I'm just going to give it a shot, if you like it review. No flames are welcome, as no flame is a good flame [As I always say.]. Now here's my parody with a bit of everything.  
  
ISRU: Karta doesn't own Yu-gi-oh  
  
DW: Or any other shows mentioned.  
  
~/~/~/~/~/~/~  
  
We join our heroes during their ever-small amount of free time.  
  
"There's nothing on." Yami whined, clicking the remote with increasing pressure.  
  
"Not like you could tell." Bakura snapped, trailing off with mutterings about stupid Pharaohs who can't even change the channel right.  
  
"Come on Yami, I'm sure there's something on." Yugi interrupted. Yami was now snarling at the T.V. in Egyptian.  
  
"No! THERE'S NOTHING!!!! THIS INSOLENT CONTRAPTION MOCKS ME WITH IT'S EVILS!!!" Yami was now screaming. All occupants of the room, who were up until then doing their own thing, were now alert and staring at the enraged spirit.  
  
"Ay Yami, jus' chill out. Somethin' will come on." Joey soothed, looking up from his duel with Mai.  
  
"NO I WILL NOT 'CHILL OUT' YOU ILL MANNERED FREAK!!! I AM GOING TO FIX THIS! NO ONE INSULTS THE KING OF GAMES AND LIVES!!!" Yami roared.  
  
"Yami, um did you forget to take your pills?" Yugi squeaked.  
  
"This isn't about PILLS, Yugi. This is about honor and we are going to take care of the scumbags who insulted mine!" With that he grabbed the poor Hikari's wrist and dragged him out the door.  
  
Ryou sighed and stood up, "Bakura, you get the stun gun."  
  
"Gladly." The tomb robber smirked. Upon his return with the weapon in question the gang raced out the door and after the enraged Yami.  
  
~/~/~/~/~/~/~  
  
Meanwhile.  
  
"Nothing's on!" Karta whined, clicking through the channels.  
  
"Let me see!" the Duke of Whales grabbed the remote.  
  
"I think she's right." The Immortal Shape-shifting Ruler of the Universe sighed.  
  
"What are we-" Karta was suddenly cut off by a loud announcement on the television.  
  
'We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming for this desperate plea.' A man who appeared to be a newscaster took his place on the screen. A variety of people were running around behind him.  
  
"I'm here at the local Domino T.V. Station reporting on what appears to be a riot. From what we can tell a crazed young man is terrorizing the studio, complaining about our quality programming." The camera cut to Yami who appeared to be running after any of the studio staff that got to close.  
  
"AHAHAHAHAAAHAAA!!! It took you five years to build your evil television empire and it will take you four minutes to lose it!" He roared before breaking out in malicious laughter.  
  
The newscast cut off abruptly, a loud ringing taking its place.  
  
"That... was odd."  
  
The T.V. suddenly sparked back to life, however this time the only face that could be seen was Yami's.  
  
"Ahahahahaaa! I Yami Motou now control Domino studios! We now ONLY play my favorite shows, AHAHAHAHA!!!" Yami sobered suddenly, "Unfortunately, all my actors, the ungrateful b~~~~~~s, left... so my personal sla- er I mean friends will now be helping me." Yami clapped his hands, "Now, on with MY regularly scheduled programming.  
  
"This will not be pretty." Karta moaned.  
  
~/~/~/~/~/~/~  
  
Karta: Okay, there's chapter one. I know it hasn't been funny yet but I'm getting to it. R&R! 


	2. To Kill an Ancient Ruler

Karta: O.K. chapter two is up. I'm sorry it sounds so rushed-  
  
ISRU: No you're not.  
  
Karta: -but It kind of is. I really thought I should get a new chapter up, however I didn't feel like writing during the solstice. Sorry again! Anyway I was also looking for ideas of shows to make fun of. I have a few, but I'm not sure how well they'll go. Maybe you reviewers can help.  
  
DW: What a creative writer.  
  
Karta: Enough. I need to show my gratitude to two very, VERY nice people, Blue Elf and Serphant Night Dragon. You guys ROCK! I'm very thankful for your reviews. Now here's chapter three, a Blues Clues Parody.  
  
~/~/~/~/~/~/~  
  
Chapter 3: Blues Clues  
  
A little house up on a tiny hill comes into view. Outside of it stands Bakura in a light and dark red Rugby shirt and black leather pants glaring at a cute blue puppy.  
  
"Hello worthless mortal. I'm... Steve..." He looked slightly sickened by the name, "And this is my blue puppy... Blue. Today we're learning immensely interesting things your puny minds couldn't possibly comprehend, but pay attention anyway, mortal worm baby."  
  
Blue ran up and hit the screen leaving a large blue paw print.  
  
"It would appear my puppy wants to play Blue's Clues to figure out how I should murder the stupid Pharaoh who put me up to this." Bakura growled. Blue shook her head resulting in a kick from the annoyed Tomb Robber.  
  
"Let's go mindless beast." Bakura mumbled picking Blue up by the scruff of her neck and flinging her off the screen, "Have any of you kids seen which way Blue went?" A cricket chirps in the background, "Good, let's go talk to the drawer."  
  
Bakura stomped inside the little house. As he began walking past the rooms hissing could be heard in the background stopping the spirit.  
  
"No I will no skip you good for nothing Fu-" A handy dandy notebook whacked him in the head, "FINE!" He shouted, "At least I don't have to talk to the furniture now..."  
  
He began skipping around, much to his annoyance, singing a happy little song.  
  
"We are gonna play Blue's clues, we are gonna play Blue's clues, we are gonna play Blue's clues, 'cause I'm being held against my will..."  
  
"A clue, a clue!" Some happy little voices yelled out suddenly.  
  
"What? No, I can't kill the Pharaoh with the Asiatic Flu! That wouldn't be any fun at all!" Bakura explained with much annoyance.  
  
"No! A clue, a clue!" The voices corrected.  
  
"Oh great, now you think I can't hear! If you were just a disembodied child's voice..." He threatened, with a shaking fist. A dull thud could be heard as Bakura tripped over some rope with a blue paw print on the middle. "Oh I get it. You want me to strangle the Pharaoh. Well let's see if it works."  
  
"Now what..." Bakura groaned as the doorbell rang, interrupting his plans. He skipped to the door, which he flung open, coming face to face with two officers of the law. "What is it?!?"  
  
"You are coming with us STEVE. We've heard all about you and your little friends. The salt, the picture jumping pot fantasies, the little toons." One officer sneered, while the other cuffed Bakura.  
  
"Wait, wait! I'm not Steve, My name's Bakura! Just ask the Pharaoh." Bakura denied looking back and forth.  
  
"Pharaoh, right. Let's go, Steve." The officer replied steering him out of the house.  
  
"THE PHAROH MADE ME DO IT!!!"  
  
Yami appeared on screen again, dropping a phone guiltily. "I'm sorry to announce that Blue's Clues will be ending early but the shows must go on. Thank you." 


	3. B is For Bakura

Karta: Yippee! Chapter... um... uh...  
  
ISRU: Three  
  
Karta: Whoohoo Three.  
  
DW: You forgot which chapter it was?  
  
Karta: Well I am writing TWO stories right now! Cut me some slack, ya bum.  
  
DW: Excuses, excuses...  
  
Karta: I am THIS close to making you watch Gundam Wing in Japanese.  
  
DW: Yeah, yeah, your Gundam obsession.  
  
Karta: Let's just get on with it. I have my neesan to thank for the chapter idea. Although I shouldn't give her any credit...  
  
ISRU: And that would be because...?  
  
Karta: *Teary eyed* SHE ATE ALL THE RAMEN!  
  
DW: So...?  
  
Karta: I live on ramen! Now it's gone, all gone... I'm so sad...  
  
ISRU: Will you just thank your reviewers and start the chapter.  
  
Karta: Oh Yeah! Thank you Kuria and dark kitsune and Kuronue and Seena. I loved your reviews. I read them and started declaring my greatness, causing my cousin to look at me oddly. -___0. Like that, but with a twitchy eye thing. Then I did the "Me and My Reviewers Rock Dance".  
  
ISRU: It looks a lot like the Hustle.  
  
Karta: I was SO HAPPY! I have to thank Seena, Kuria, and Blue Elf again for adding my story to their favorites list. The same thank you must also be given to YamiJupiter15. All you guys are the best. I'm touched. *sniffle sniffle*  
  
DW: Yes, yes. That's enough you vein, vein Authoress, you.  
  
Karta: All right, aright. So about the chapter. I was innocently hanging upside down from my bed trying to annoy my sister enough so that she would forget trying to stay in my room and get off my computer when my plan became more useful than I thought.  
  
Me: Ya know what's neat. Anime. It's all fun and the storylines are really good. Ya know what else is neat?  
  
My Sister: No.  
  
Me: Awww. I was hoping you would guess.  
  
My Sis: Fine. Flashlights.  
  
Me: Oh, flash lights. Yeah flashlights are good they light stuff up.  
  
My Sis: Why don't you go play on your laptop and stop annoying me?  
  
Me: I would but I've got writer's block. Plus you got the phone line.  
  
My Sis: Well Maybe I can help. What's your story about?  
  
Me: I'm taking a bunch of shows and parodying them, Yu-gi-oh style.  
  
My Sis: Ok, so what's the problem?  
  
Me: I'm outta shows.  
  
My Sis: Why not use "Hametaro".  
  
Me: You mean Hamtaro. Well I really haven't seen it in awhile...  
  
My Sis: Agh.  
  
Me: What a sec! You're a genius. That idea is great. Move it! I got writing ta do.  
  
And that's pretty much what happened. By the way, the rating is higher on this chapter 'cause of Seto's filthy mouth, not that I mind. Now let's start the chapter, Hamtaro style.  
  
_________________________  
  
It was a bright beautiful day at the Hauruna residence, which also happened to be the home of our furry loveable friend Hamtaro. We lookdown to see none other than Seto Kaiba, in a hamster suit.  
  
"I'm not Hamtaro dammit!" Seto cried out, totally outraged. Suddenly a much, much larger Yugi came up.  
  
"Hello Hamtaro! I'm going over to Kana's today to work on a project for Mr. Yoshi's class. Do you want to come? I bet Oxnard would LOVE to see you." He smiled brightly.  
  
"God no! I'm not gonna deal with some filthy vermin." Seto cried, outraged. Yugi picked up his cage quickly.  
  
"I know, it's going to be great!" Yugi smiled even more brightly.  
  
"Damn your selective hearing you weak minded fool!" Seto flopped forward with the momentum of the moving cage, "I'll sue you're ass! You and your Yami too!"  
  
_________________  
  
At Kana's House  
  
__________________  
  
"Hey Laura! I'm glad you could come!" Ryou pushed the glasses he was wearing further up on the bridge of his nose.  
  
"No prob. I hope it's okay if I brought Hamtaro." Yugi replied, holding up the shaken CEO (Who was still in a hamster garb, by the way).  
  
"Oxnard will be really pleased." Bakura (or Kana, however you think about it.) took Yugi's cage and proceeded to dump Seto into a cage of his own. There stood Bakura, also in a hamster suit.  
  
"I was in the last show! Why the hell am I in this one too?" Bakura shouted, sounding pissed.  
  
"Well at least you like your owner!" Seto growled, "You Yamis are all the same..."  
  
"Hey!" Bakura tackled the taller boy, which looked rather awkward as hamsters have relatively short arms. The little hamster suited ones continued to brawl, with an audience.  
  
"How cute! They're playing!" Ryou grinned, somewhat evilly.  
  
"Uh yeah." Yugi sweat dropped. He looked back at the hamster fight.  
  
Seto was getting angrier by the minute. Suddly he noticed some conveniently place sewing supplies. He lunged and grabbed a needle, while Bakura did the same.  
  
"Let's go, spirit boy!" Kaiba grinned.  
  
"I will cut you to ribbons!" Bakura shouted back. They seemed evenly matched in fencing as well.  
  
"You fight like Joey's sister!" Bakura grinned.  
  
"Well you fight like a dead guy!" Kaiba retorted. That sent Bakura over the edge. He began slicing madly. Before standing back to observe his work.  
  
"B" He began, looking at the neat "B" cut into Kaiba's costume, "Stands for Bakura!"  
  
"That... was all you wanted to do?" Kaiba demanded, "How many of Ryou's movies have YOU been watching"  
  
"All of them." Ryou mumbled. Bakura fell over.  
  
"Oh thanks a lot!" He shouted, "I only won because I used the force... er I mean... the heart of the sword?" Yugi nodded in agreement.  
  
Ryou simply slipped his hand in the cage and grabbed Bakura by the scruff of his costume neck, and then pulled him out until they were nose to nose.  
  
"You are an evil little hamster." He said flatly. Bakura opened his mouth to say something, probably a rude something, when Ryou interrupted, "For that you must pay." he put the poor Bakura hamster in his little wheel, and spun it. Meanwhile, Yugi and his Seto hamster quickly backed away and ran as fast as they could back to Yugi own house.  
  
_________________________  
  
Later That Night...  
  
_________________________  
  
"Today was a great day Hamtaro!" Yugi said happily, writing in his journal.  
  
"Speak for yourself!" Seto shouted.  
  
"First I went to Kana's house to work on my history project for Mr. Yoshi's class. There you got to have fun with Oxnard, wasn't that great?" He asked.  
  
"No! He tried to skewer me!" Seto replied.  
  
"It was a rhetorical question..."  
  
"Yeah, big deal..."  
  
"Well besides Kana going psycho, today was great and I bet tomorrow will be even better!" Yugi closed the diary.  
  
"What?!? No way, there in no way on hell I'm gonna do this tomorrow!" Seto screeched.  
  
"Well G' night Hamtaro!"  
  
_________________________  
  
Karta: That didn't go as well as I thought it would. I think Chap. 2 was better...  
  
IRSU: Yeah, there were a lot fewer errors in the last one. It'll get better reviews.  
  
Karta: I know. Sad huh? And most of this is just me ranting.  
  
DW: Feh.  
  
Karta: Thanks a lot! You're mean!  
  
DW: Yes. Yes I am.  
  
Karta: Right. Well until next time readers! R&R. Sayonara! 


	4. It is NOT a Dress

Karta: Hi there! I'm finally putting up another chapter! Sorry about the wait. *Shoe whacks her in the head*  
  
ISRU: She really did deserve that.  
  
DW: Mhm *nods, grabbing another shoe*  
  
Karta: Okay, okay I'm a horrible person but at least let me make it up to you readers. Since I haven't updated in... well... Forever I'll try to make this one really good. Sound okay?  
  
ISRU: I suppose that's fair.  
  
DW: Not really. She's just looking for the easy way out.  
  
Karta: Shut up you two!  
  
ISRU: Don't you think you should do your trichapter disclaimer?  
  
Karta: Isn't that your job?  
  
DW: Just like you to answer a question with a question, you person who doesn't own Yu-gi-oh.  
  
ISRU: Or any other show for that matter.  
  
Karta: Low blow, my friends. However it got the job done so I'll let it slide. Plus I have to thank people. So many super nice people I need to thank! Let's see there's Kuria, dark kitsune, Kuronue, Seena, DarkElf, Chibi, QueenOfHearts, Hika Yagami, Midnight Raven and Blue Elf. Thank you for you wonderful reviews! They're my pride and joy. Oh yeah! Congratulations to Blue Elf for her first story posted on Fan Fiction.net. It's SPOOKY!!! Now on with chapter four.  
  
  
A Gilligan's Island Parody  
  
~/~/~/~/~/~/~  
  
Sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip…  
That started from this tropic port, aboard this tiny ship…  
The mate was a mighty good sailing man,   
the skipper brave and sure…   
five passengers set sail that day for a three hour tour (a three hour tour)…  
The weather started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed…   
if not for the courage of the fearless crew the minnow would be lost (the minnow would be lost)…  
The shop set ground on the shore of this uncharted dessert isle…  
with Gilligan…   
the Skipper too…   
The Millionaire…  
and his wife…   
the movie star…   
The Professor…   
and Mary Ann, Here on Gilligan's isle.  
  
We come down on to a little tropical Island to see Yugi wearing a red shirt, and light blue jeans, not to mention the white hat hanging of one of the spikes of his hair. He happily sits at what appears to be a community dinning table of bamboo.  
  
"Is it ready Mary Anne? Huh? Huh? Is it?" Yugi had an eager grin on.  
  
"Yes, Gilligan, It's ready." The Celtic Guardian stepped out of a nearby hut. His blond hair was in pig tails and he was wearing hot pants with a small shirt that revealed his entire stomach. In his hand was a tasty looking coconut cream pie.  
  
"Oh Yeah!" Yugi jumped up and took it from her... er... Him. On the way back he tripped sending the pie flying. It came to a halt, right in Grandpa Motou's face.  
  
"Gilligan!" He sounded frustrated and more than slightly annoyed.  
  
"Sorry Skipper." Yugi looked sheepish. Grandpa took off his black captain's cap and whacked the boy in the head with it.  
  
"Will you just tell me where Mr. Howell is? He said he would help me talk to the Professor." Grandpa asked.  
  
"I was just freshening up after a small game of golf." Came a cultured sounding reply. Seto Kaiba came out of a separate hut, with Tea hanging off his arm.  
  
"Alright let's go find the Professor." Grandpa sighed.  
  
*Fade out*  
  
~/~/~/~/~/~/~  
  
Bakura glared at Yami angrily as he stared eagerly at the set.  
  
"What kind of show is this?!" The Tomb Robber demanded.  
  
"It seems fine to me." Yami replied.  
  
"How can it seem fine?! Mary Anne has a six pack!" Bakura screeched. Ryou placed a hand on his look-alike's arm and made a slow shaking motion with his head.  
  
"If you keep acting like this you might end up in another show." The smaller boy whispered. Bakura looked infuriated but saw the wisdom in his hikari's words and therefore obeyed.  
  
"I need to make a call." Bakura muttered, before pushing past Ryou to find a phone.  
  
~/~/~/~/~/~/~  
  
*Back on the Island*  
  
"Professor, can we have a word with you?" Grandpa asked quickly. The Dark Magician turned away from the trees he was examining to look at the two who approached him. The mage wore his usual fighting gear, but with a white shirt stretched almost to it's limits on top. A pair of khaki pants could also be seen under his odd little skirt. (Yami: It is NOT a skirt!.)  
  
"Why do you disturb my research?" Dark demanded with a superior tone.  
  
"We came to talk with you Professor. You see we've been thinking and well…" Grandpa trailed off.  
  
"We came to the decision that maybe your not doing all you can to get us off this island." Kaiba finished flatly.  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about. There was absolutely nothing I could do for the hole in that boat." He looked annoyed. The Celtic Guardian choose that moment to walk by with the coconut radio. "With the limited resources here on the island fixing it was out of the question." He crossed his arms. Yugi then drove by in the bamboo car.  
  
"Are you certain? I'm really pretty sure that you-" Grandpa was cut off by the Dark Magician.  
  
"Fool! You dare question me?! I am the Professor," He held his staff out, "and I have the POWER!" (A/N: Think He-Man.) A freaky lightning bolt thingy hit him.  
  
"Right. You know your dress is on fire, don't you?" was all Seto choose to say. The Dark Magician scowled about to tell the Millionaire that he was NOT wearing a dress when he noticed the flames.  
  
"Eek!" Dark fell to the ground, "Stop. Drop. Roll. Stop. Drop. Roll." After a moment of that he stood up breathing heavily.  
  
"You might want to get Mary Ann to fix your dress." Grandpa pointed to the singed part.  
  
"That is IT! No more will I stand your insolence!" Dark put a hand out, "Dark Magic ATTACK!"  
  
*Fade out*  
  
"Well Mary Ann, Ginger" Yugi addressed the Celtic Guardian and Mai, "I guess we all learned our lesson. Setting coconuts on fire is no way to get off this island."  
  
"Well I learned that a palm leaf can't hold back an enraged gorilla. Oh wait. I guess that was Mrs. Howell's lesson. May She rest in peace." The three bowed their heads when Mai finished.  
  
"Oh well. I'm gonna go make another pie." the Celtic Guardian proclaimed. So they all skipped happily away.  
  
So, this is the tale of our cast-aways  
they're here for a long long time  
I hope they brought their water wings....  
The swimming is sublime...  
But now the castaways are four, their numbers are much less...  
For one was eaten, but the other two pointed out the professor's dress.  
no skipper!  
no snob!  
no freaky wife...   
Yet not a single jubilee...   
like Robinson Crusoe, the others will go crazy  
You really should find this vile...   
To see 3 stranded castaways  
Stuck with one whose really hostile!!  
  
~/~/~/~/~/~/~  
  
Karta: I hoped you liked chapter four. Gilligan's Island was, and still is, one of my favorite shows. Any way for chapter five I though Gundam Wing might be a good idea but I can't decide who should get the honor of waltzing around in spandex. Maybe you reviewers can tell me, huh? Well, until we meet again. Adios. 


	5. Swim Suit Model Robot

Karta: Alrighty! I'm on to writing chapter five! Oh yeah! Booyaka! You know what else? I also have over twenty reviews. Isn't that NEATO?  
  
ISRU: Yes. Very... Neato.  
  
Karta: I know. I love me so much.  
  
ISRU: What a narcissist...  
  
Karta: And my reviewers. They're all so wonderful. *sobbing* I am so happy.  
  
DW: Yes, yes very interesting.  
  
Karta: Fine be that way. Now on the question of spandex only three people had a preference. One was Yami, which regrettably, I cannot do. However I swear on my honor as an authoress and my Gundam Wing box set that I will have him in freakishly tight pants yet. Next was Bakura. I really wanted him in tight pants, but I have something else planned for him so... Kaiba was another choice, but he's in for fun later on, just like Bakura. The last choice is the one I shall use.   
  
DW: Who's it gonna be?  
  
Karta: Well uh... Joey actually.  
  
ISRU: I'm gonna have nightmares over this one.  
  
Karta: Calm down. I think it's a lovely idea, even though I'm not a Joey fan girl myself.  
  
DW: Really? I wouldn't have guessed. Not since you have Bakura in more than half the first chapters.  
  
Karta: That's another reason why he's not in tight pants this chapter. Plus the Joey fan girls are an under appreciated breed.  
  
ISRU: Well why don't you get started then?  
  
Karta: I do believe I will. But first I need to warn all of you none Yaoi fans. There is an incredible small bit of Y/YY in this chapter. Don't worry, it's just one thought of Kaiba's that you can skip over in line eleven. Now Chapter five...  
  
A Gundam Wing Parody  
  
~/~/~/~/~/~/~  
  
This chapter does not, in fact, begin on the set. No it starts back stage, so let just go strait there shall we?  
  
Bakura paced near the studio exit with increasing frustration. Yugi who was quite stumped, sat near by along with Seto. After a few more minutes Kaiba, despite his astounding amount of patience, couldn't stand the suspense much longer.  
  
"Well?" He asked.  
  
"Well what?" The yami snapped back.  
  
"What are we waiting for?" Kaiba rephrased his question.  
  
"I am waiting for the one way to make this situation bearable." The poorly tempered spirit replied. His pacing had quickened, again.  
  
"What do you mean? Yami will never let you out of this. I couldn't even get out and... Well I used every advantage I had." Yugi explained, his cheeks coloring. Kaiba froze. If Yugi couldn't even seduce his way out of acting then they were truly damned.  
  
"I know. There's no way I can get out," Bakura muttered, still pacing, "but I think I could stand it, if only Yami was brought in."  
  
"You mean to tell me that you're going to have someone take Yami's place? I suppose he would have to act along side us then... But who would be sick enough to continue forcing us to act against our will?" the Millionaire asked no one in particular.  
  
"It would need to be some one twisted and cruel." Yugi voiced.  
  
"Someone who loves television." Kaiba added.  
  
"Someone with lots of time on their hands."  
  
"Who do we know that's insane, freaky, and without a life?" Seto questioned.  
  
"Me." came the voice of a figure at the door. Kaiba couldn't quite see who it was. Then he or she stepped forward. The CEO hissed and stepped back in horror, noticing that Yugi had fainted.  
  
"Oh no! Please tell me you didn't call…"  
  
~/~/~/~/~/~/~  
  
*Back on Stage*  
  
The camera comes down on a rather large mansion in the middle of a rather large dessert. If one were to look through the window they would see Ryou sitting quietly at a table sipping tea (The drink not the girl). He worse some nice khaki pants with a lovely pink shirt and a violet-black vest, all of which was ironed to perfection.  
  
"Hello friend Trowa!" Ryou smiled brightly as Tristan walked in the room wearing a dark turtle neck and some light jeans.  
  
"...friend Trowa?" He rose an eyebrow.  
  
"Yes indeed!" Ryou was really quite oblivious to how strange that name was.  
  
"Yeah. Anyway, I wanted to-" A shriek interrupted poor Tristan. Mai ran on stage and immediately glomped Ryou. The odd thing, or the new odd thing, about her was the incredible large and frightening eyebrows drawn on her face.  
  
"Quatre." She continued to rub her cheek against the small boy's face, "Let me tell you a story, hm? Once upon a time-"  
  
"Agh! Get her off!" He pushed her away quickly and began running down the hallway, grabbing Tristan's arm in the process, "She's been stalking me for days!"  
  
He finally slowed down outside, near a very large robot, doing a weird pose. It was sitting up with one leg bent and the other strait, the kind of pose you would see in a swim suit catalogue from Victoria Secret. It was also covered in a least fifty flamingos varying in shades of pink.  
  
"Sandrock will protect us." Ryou claimed cheerfully.  
  
"Hey, do you always pose your Gundam like that? And what's with the birds? We're in the middle of the dessert I mean…" Tristan trailed off.  
  
"Huh? No, Rashid takes care of the Gundam." Ryou replied, "Speaking of which. Here he comes now."  
  
"Hello Master Quatre." Bandit Keith walked up to the two with a large smile that shocked Ryou (Not Quatre). A large and badly cut beard adorned his face.  
  
"Stand still. There is something on your face." Tristan whispered, trying not to alarm the large man.  
  
"You have good sense of humor, friend of Master Quatre." Keith slapped Tristan in the back, sending him flying face first into Sandrock. This caused the large Gundam to rattle ever so slightly. Then...  
  
"Run!"  
  
~/~/~/~/~/~/~  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Joey opened his eyes ever so slightly and glanced around. He was wearing a loose green tank top and skin (and I mean SKIN.) tight shorts that should by all mean be giving his an atomic wedge without any provocation. However he showed no signs of discomfort and simply examined every bit of the very white room.  
  
"This is the fiftieth floor of the Number three Alliance medical facility, in the south J.A.P. area. The employees who work here in alphabetical order are as follows: Aaaaaasmith, Albert.  
  
*Several Hours Later*  
  
"Zzzzbrown, Zedd." He finished and took a deep breath, "Now that I have that out of my system, how am I going to escape?" He suddenly noticed that he was very much trapped, with all his limbs tied down. Before he could ponder just how very screwed he was a voice rang through the entire medical building.  
  
"Can I see Heero now?"  
  
Joey began to shake.  
  
"No, not her! Anyone but her." He closed his eyes quickly thinking on what he knew was to come, then wanting to be safe held his breath to the point of passing out. It was then in the surveillance room above Joey that none other than Tea walked in wearing pink, pink, and more pink.  
  
"What do you have him tied down for?! He's my boy friend, so you can hold him prisoner!" Tea screeched, bringing Joey back to consciousness.  
  
"That doesn't even..." Isis, who was with her, trailed off looking annoyed, "Come on. I'm afraid if we leave you here you might wake him up. Plus the morgue is below us." Screams of "kill it, kill it" could be heard through one of the vents. Tea nodded and walked out with a snobbish look.  
  
The moment they left an explosion rocked the room. When the dust cleared Mokuba could be seen holding a large bag.  
  
"I think it time we liven things up." He grinned. Joey jumped up, or tried to. The moment he did the buckles holding him down came off.  
  
"They didn't even fasten them…" The blonde shook his head, "This is such an insult to my intelligence…"  
  
"Let's just go." Mokuba threw the older boy a parachute. Within seconds they reached the windows to get to the outside, which Mokuba proptly blew up. Both jumped from the large hole in the wall Mokuba so generously created. Just then Isis and Tea showed up.  
  
"They must have jumped." Isis stated franticly.  
  
"Oh no! HEEERRROOOO!" Tea screeched.  
  
Down below Mokuba had opened his odd little Mary Poppeins umbrella and waited for Joey to release his parachute. Before the spandexed one could do this the screech of Tea's reached him. He couldn't help it, he had to cover his ears and get away from the piercing wail. This was defiantly not the best of moves.  
  
Instead of opening his happy little parachute and floating safely to the ground like a little army toy Joey got a up close and personal view of the jagged rocks below him.  
  
"Ah!"  
  
Thud.  
  
"Gahhh."  
  
Thud.  
  
"Ahhhhh."  
  
Thud.  
  
"Ow..."  
  
After several more thuds, which I don't care to write, he reached the ground and rolled through the sand a bit and there he lay bleeding and bruised.  
  
~/~/~/~/~/~/~  
  
Back at the Dessert Mansion  
  
Today was not Tristan's day. As you last recall he had just hit Ryou/ Quatre's Gundam with his face causing it to shake quite a bit. As you also, hopefully, recall the Gundam was covered in Phoenicopterus ruber a.k.a. Flamingos.  
  
So now Tristan was living what would look, to anyone else, like a lovely dedication to Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds. Luckily Ryou was much faster than he looked and Tristan himself had long legs, leaving both about two inches away from the evil bird jaws of death.  
  
Ryou suddenly got an idea and turned quickly, taking Tristan with him. After a few minutes they reached yet another area of Quatre/ Ryou's plethoric mansion grounds. There was an additional large Gundam, which Tristan assumed was the point, however his theory proved to be wrong when Ryou seemed to be searching franticly for something else. He caught sight of movement and headed towards it.  
  
To the right of the new Gundam was Shadi, practicing a variety of slow exercises. Tristan was quite surprised that he didn't notice the large white pants the Item keeper sported.  
  
"Wufei!!!" Ryou began shaking the him by the shoulders, "Flamingos! Gotta save us!"  
  
Shadi rose an eyebrow at the frenzied look on the boy's face, but could hear flapping in the background which helped the story, but only slightly.  
  
"Let me take care of this." He pushed past the other two and stood in a casual stance. The pink birds of PURE EVIL came ever closer. Just as they were about to reach the group Shadi began shouting.  
  
"GET OT OF MY SIGHT YOU WEAKLINGS!!!" Shadi kept standing, waiting for the squawks of fear. However any idiot should know that shouting won't detour one animal, let alone a pack of fifty angry ones. I mean, that's just stupid. So the flamingos piled on him, and happily satisfied their desire for human flesh.  
  
Ryou and Tristan sighed with relief as the flamingos went back to their little Gundam home, all of them full from fillet of Shadi. So alls well that ends well I suppose. Of course the other story isn't finished right?  
  
~/~/~/~/~/~/~  
  
Back with Joey...  
  
"Okay, I've pulled yours up too…" Mokuba trailed off as he looked at Joey. The boy was on the ground clutching his leg. With a final pull a crack could be heard.  
  
"Gahhh!!! That doesn't go there! Oh S***!"  
  
"I can't take much more of this. He just goes and puts a broken bone back in place." Mokuba sighed, "The wrong place…"  
  
I suppose you waiting for what came next, right? Well not much. Mokuba just ended up dragging Joey back to Isis to get fixed up where they were both caught and held as prisoners of war. Ryou came to get them and eventually saved their lives before going off to blow up some stuff using the good ol' Zero System.  
  
~/~/~/~/~/~/~  
  
Karta: Besides the poor endings I think that went pretty well. I hope my Gundam Wing reviewers (There have to be some!) liked that! Anyway the next chapter is for all you non- Gundam Wingers. I'll make it just so you don't feel left out, and my conscience is cleared. 


End file.
